As the Leader of the Coalition, it is my great honour and pleasure to speak to you in this inaugural end of year address to the nation.
This is not usually an occasion which excites the ball boys and ball girls at the upcoming Australian Open, but I plan to make this an annual event regardless.
I would like to thank my fellow partners of NO, the Noaltion, the IPA and the Limited News Corporation, to help make this speech a news event broadcast on our ABC.
2012 - A Year of NO achievements.
Some detractors like to call me Dr No. I revel in that title and embrace it. As the Leader of Her Majesty’s Loyal NOpposition, I set out to SAY NO TO EVERYTHING. We don’t negotiate, we negate. We said NO to the Budget, We said NO to the Flood Levy, We said NO to the Carbon tax. We said NO to the Mining Tax, We Said No to Plain Packaging…..And we delivered on a big fat NO as promised. No amendments, no changes and no blocking of legislation. We said NO to all levies and all Great Big New Taxes. Of course there is always some yes that gets through when no one is looking.
As our record shows, we say yes to some levies and taxes if they are liberally applied. We said Yes to the Gun levy, Sugar Levy, Milk Levy, Timor Levy, Ansett Levy, Stevedoring Levy, Parental Leave Levy & a big fat YES to the Never Ever Goods & Services Tax - GST.
At the time we were attacked for being Great Big Bloody Tax Huggers. It makes my blood boil on national television, when in the heat of the battle, some of these things get brought up over and over again.
I know politicians are going to be judged on everything they say, but sometimes in the heat of discussion you go a little bit further than you would, if it was an absolutely calm, considered, prepared, scripted remark such as this one.
Only the statements that need to be taken absolutely as gospel truth are those carefully prepared scripted remarks:
This is the mother of all Taxes (No not GST)
Great Big New Tax On Everything (No not GST)
A Rolled Gold Iron Clad Guarantee.
Climate Change is Crap.
This is the biggest surrender since Singapore
This is the end of democracy and the the greatest betrayal.
We will fight this every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month.
There will be a people’s revolt.
Whyalla will be wiped off the map by Julia Gillard’s carbon tax.
This is a pledge in blood this tax will go. We will rescind it.
I have staked my political life, what’s left of it, on stopping this carbon tax.
These messages expressed my anger and hurt at the massive failure of democracy, its institutions and conventions. We tried the kinder gentler approach but we was robbed by the Independents.
Saying NO TO EVERYTHING is hard work.
I constantly feed the media carefully scripted 3 word slogans such as Stop the Boats and Stop the Tax. They go away happy with no more questions asked, dutifully repeating my great work. That is political gold right there. This is why I, unlike like my detractors in Hockey, Robb, Turnbull, say that we have to work on even more slogans not policy or costings.
I predicted that there will be people in the streets. We had the Arab Spring, the Occupy Movement and the Convoy of NO. The real Protesters of the Year for me were Alan Jones, Andrew Bolt and Cardinal George Pell.
It is due to my leadership that every shock jock in the land protested against the 99% of climate scientists involved in the great World Government climate swindle.
2012 really has been the year of bedazzling the media. I delivered them bread and circuses, vaudeville, stunts, slogans and photo opps with small businesses as my props.
In return they crowned me Mr Politico 2012 and the best NOpposition Leader since Mark Latham and since Federation. In the cacophony of 24 hour news, the best costume usually wins the day.
Saying NO TO EVERYTHING is not just my core promise, but my political manifesto for the country.
And on that front, I have delivered to my party supporters, Big Business, Big Tobacco, Big Mining and the forgotten families of billionaires. I gave them nothing, zilch, zero, nada and there is more where that came from.
A promise kept in my year of saying NO.
Fellow naysayers, with 2013 upon us, we need to renew our focus and resolve:
Just Say NO. You can do it too.
Stop The Future.
Yes We Can.